I've been asked to point out that not all of my students are going to be actuaries (see below). This is fair enough, as School also produces its fair share of: accountants, estate agents, management consultants, engineers, arms dealers etc. etc. It's also worth pointing out that, although most of our alumni are involved in wrecking the planet and/or grinding the faces of the poor, some do useful things - we've produced doctors and even a very small number of teachers (salut, DB). And all of them, even the corporate droids, are jolly nice people. This is about as far as I ever go apology-wise, so I hope it suffices.

OK, play-related targets for the weekend: first, finish reading "A Fury For God" and kick off V.S. Naipaul's "Beyond Belief", which has been recommended to me; second, I want to start working up my character biographies. In case you don't know, the accepted way of doing things these days - at least among playwrights and screenwriters - is to start off making extensive notes on all the characters in your drama. The order of events in the early stages usually goes like this:

1. Think of basic idea
2. Invent characters in real detail - history, appearance, personality etc.
3. Design plot

The plot comes third because, as we know, all action is derived from character; it's true in every sense that character = action. If you don't believe me, turn to everyone's favourite camp, dead, transatlantic novelist, Mr Henry James, and see what he has to say about this in "The Art Of The Novel".

Anyway, when I'm inventing characters I work from a checklist of characteristics in Ray Frensham's "How To Write A Screenplay", and usually end up with about ten handwritten sides of A4 for each character. Plot ideas start flowing from these straight away, so I keep a separate pad on the desk next to me to jot them down.

Talking of writing mechanisms, I've just been at PC World mulling over the idea of getting a new iBook. My old one is dying, and doesn't support MacOSX, so very little new software works on it. However, as usual, the place appeared to be staffed exclusively by malnourished teenage gnomes on day-release from a school for "special" children. These purple-shirted, pigeon-chested loons never know anything about Macs. I asked one if they would sell me an Apple AirPort Base Station with my iBook (I really want to go WiFi - email in the bog! Yippee!). He grunted a bit, tried to sell me a Hewlett Packard PC, then suggested I order straight from Apple and wandered away, his Ritalin having apparently worn off. I refuse to order stuff straight from Apple, because it always takes weeks and often ends up with someone like Bob Holsom or Ben Hinton in Sheerness or Dudley.