I'm sitting down drinking the contents of one of the bottles of cheap white that I taxed from the refreshments table at the Talent Night. Typical Yarm School stuff: quite drinkable without being in any way distinguished. A bit like the Head. (Um?)

The show could, on the whole, have been much worse. Very few people humiliated themselves, with the possible exception of Ene's band. They were crap even after I made them cut their dire version of Under The Bridge. Aled and Forthy - the dancing reindeer - were gently persuaded off the running order during the soundcheck.

Hits of the night: Tom Moullali's band; Jaff's version of some Joe Cocker song so bland I can even't remember what it was called - though I was playing it two hours ago; and Ben Needham and Adam Metcalfe's hilarious versions of "Sam's Song" and "Me And My Shadow". Jade, Jen and Sab were moderately hot, though I think I got a better deal than the audience. I was watching from behind.

I spent the whole night running about untangling cables and tap-testing mics. Accompanied a few people, though I think the audience is so used to me playing the piano that I'm just part of the scenery. A good thing, as I made a number of fuck-ups. Rescued myself as usual, but just goes to show how daft I am to insist that everyone rehearses themselves silly while forgetting to do a bit of basic piano practice myself.

The other really enjoyable thing I did today was to get Gary to knack Brett W*lkinson sideways. You never meet any teachers' kids called Brett. You know why? Because calling a kid Brett virtually guarantees he'll turn out a complete pain in the arse. Anyway, 2C's Brett has the appearance, demeanour and attitude of an aggrieved three-toed sloth, which, unfairly prised from its branch, has been forced to read "Julius Caesar". Getting him in trouble is always a pleasure.

Yaaaawn - it's sleepy time down south.