Spent half of today thinking about this bleeding talent show I'm helping to run on Friday. At the moment we have: the dancing girls (see below, not much talent, but lots of pelvis); a string of solo singers (Anna St*bley is about the best of them, and to be frank Muqtada al-Sadr's DVD collection would better fit the definition of "light entertainment" than her singing); lots of meat-heads singing a rugby song; and Aled Jones dressed up as half a reindeer. Thanks to the fact that I can't say no to a pretty face - Emily Hutchinson's in this case, damn her - I am going to be associated with this farce in the public mind. Ooops, time for a change of metaphor: "farce" carries connotations of entertainment. Possibly the word I'm looking for is "shambles". Or "fuck up", possibly. Some of it will be OK: Sab, Christina and Hannah doing their Destiny's Child number, for example. But the rest of it will be pure tits-up.

Fortunately I have Lynne Sykes around as my enforcer. Yes, she's only a sixth former and she periodically attacks me. But she's the one person in the school who everyone is scared of. And by God, she gets the job done.

Time for another list, I think. I've decided I rather like them. Tonight's is a tribute to Bridget Jones, the fictional incarnation of many women I've known. So today's BJ count-up:

(Fnarrr, fnarrr)

biscuits: 15 (excellent)
cigarettes: 0 (I don't smoke any more)
number of times I thought "I could really do with a tab": 2,593
ditto ditto ditto ditto ditto: "..or a drink": 1,593
caffeine: about 150mg (wheeee! wired!)
alcohol: dunno, still on first glass
students unfairly punished: 3
Urgent administrative jobs not done: 14
Books marked: 0
Minutes spent driving at 90mph singing along to the Killers' "All These Things That I Have Done": 7.26
Dogs walked: 0 (give me time)
Fat student teachers getting into kayaks laughed at: 1 (he even had an extra-wide boat, the loser. I'd go easy on him, but he's a chemist)
Kayaks fallen out of: 0 (for a change)
Number of repetitions of the word "fuck": 267 (if you include that one)

I'm sorry if today's blog is unduly harsh on a number a people. I'm just in a bit of a mood.